That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
