they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
