I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
