As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
