I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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