why didn't you poke me back
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
