is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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