Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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