yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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