That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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