naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
