he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
