Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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