i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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