Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
