Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
