He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
