If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
