Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
