my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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