I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
