Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish my penis had an off switch
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
