Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
