you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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