I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
