If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
