my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
