I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
