If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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