your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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