I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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