Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
