so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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