Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
