I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
