i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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