So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
