I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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