and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
