Ambien. No doubt about it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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