This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
