just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
