Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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