get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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