Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
