Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
