let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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