I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
