The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
