a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
