i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
