yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
