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i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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