OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
