I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
