I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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