It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
